Monuments and Dust

Monuments and Dust

London Times: 4 Aug 1851



Sir, -- I am one of the simple country bumpkins who, I suppose, will always be considered fair game for you more knowing Londoners, and I was simple enough, on the recommendation of a friend, to engage lodgings in Welbeck-street, at the rate of seven guineas per week, for the term of one week certain. I was not prepossessed by the lady's appearance, nor particularly refreshed at the sight of my apartments, but with a naive simplicity common to rustics put a good face upon the matter, and persuaded myself that I was fortunate in getting lodgings at all. But, sir, I went to bed at last, and then my troubles began in earnest. for myself, I do not taste particularly sweet to beasts of prey; but for my wife -- oh! Sir, she was a victim indeed! Thirteen of the vilest of creepers suffered at hour hands during the night; more would have died, but tired nature did not suffer us to continue the hunt, and about 4 o'clock in the morning we fairly gave ourselves over to their teeth more resigned than happy! In the morning I ventured to complain, and, Sir (think of it and pity me), I was told it was impossible there should be a bug in the house; though six corpses in one bed and 13 in another attested the truth of my assertions, they were most emphatically contradicted, and I was stoutly accused of having brought the live stock with me. I offered 3l., 4l., 5l. to be allowed to go away, in vain; and at last I found myself obliged to pay 8l. 5s. 11d. for one night's lodging for myself and my enemies -- hinc ill lacrym. Pray let the world know all this, that when they take lodgings for the Great Exhibition they may bargain for unoccupied beds.

Iam, your servant,

A. J.

Porchester-place, Oxford-square,

August 2.