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The Catalog: Products | Obituary File | Ask Mr. Guilt | Helpful Hints |



Helpful Hints for the Hostess

  Never say as an ice- breaker:
  1. You're getting some disability for that, aren't you?

  2. I didn't know you could do that with a cane!

  3. What was your first wife like?

  4. What is it like at the VFW? What do you guys do?

  5. You didn't do all those horrible things, did you.... I mean really?

  6. Rash? I thought it was a broach!

Books not to have on the coffee table when entertaining Viet Nam veterans:

  • Skin Diseases of Southeast Asia: A Pictorial Perspective
  • ARVN and USA: Partners in Victory

  • Robert McNamara: The Dark Years Before Victory

  • Lima Beans: The Versatile Legume

  • The Jungle Boot: An Epistomology

  • How to See Better in the Dark

  • '33'--Premium Beer of Asia

  • The Water Buffalo: Our Large Brown Friend

This is only a partial list. Next, "Artifacts of Death: Knick Knacks You Can't Live With."

 

Get Some Slack!

  Clive Hornbecker, manager of Weptronics Warehouse 67, announced today that a large stock of "slack" reels have been discovered. Mr. Hornbecker, in accordance with company policy, is in the process of cataloguing the reels to prepare them for sale. "Why some of them even have some 'thread' left on them, threads of standard 'sweat,' egregious requirements and other onorous requirements. Well? Where did you think these things went after we cut people some slack?" Prices will be fair and no more slack will be cut, opined Mr. Hornbecker. Rumors of a "huss" warehouse still persist. Weptronics will continue to clear out their warehouses to make room for a large flood of policy papers from the current administration

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